…well not really but sometimes I feel like I am. Do you ever feel like an imposter?
Welcome the imposter syndrome, or in other words, self-doubt. The doubt that we are not good enough, that we cannot live up to expectations, that our skills are not advanced enough. The feeling of just not being enough.
We all feel it.
I am blessed to work at a job I love (connecting authors & readers, helping people) but sometimes I feel like my skills and talents are not enough, that people see me as far better than I am, that I am an imposter of this better version of Kate who can do and be everything. Someone I can never be.
And this self-doubt doesn’t just happen in our work lives. It can be personal too. Am I really good at anything? Am I smart? Am I worth being friends with?
So how to we fight against this overwhelming feeling of not being enough? Here are the rules I live by that have helped me combat imposter syndrome.
- What I feel is not always the truth. Our feelings can lie to us. Just because we may feel like we are not enough does not mean it is true. I find reminding myself of this (by even saying it out loud to myself) is key in beating imposter syndrome.
- What I do is not what I will always do or who I am. When I first started on my career path I put my whole identity and self-worth into my job title. I was proud of the work I did and happy but circumstances changed and suddenly I found myself jobless. Worse than that I found myself without an identity. What we do for a living is not who we are, it is only a part of it. Reminding ourselves of this during times of struggle at work is key.
- Being one thing today does not mean I won’t be anything else. You may be lazy one day but that does not mean you won’t be a hard worker the next. Remind yourself not to box yourself into labels. You can change. You can have bad days where you may be unpleasant to be around but still be an overall great person to be with. Do not let one day define your life. Do not let one person define you.
Reminding myself of these three things helps me when I feel self-doubt creeping in. Beating self-doubt is never easy. The more people look to you (the more you publish, expand your network, grow your career, get involved..) the more self-doubt can creep in. And when it does just remember: What I feel is not always the truth. What I do is not what I will always do or who I am. Being one thing today does not mean I won’t be anything else.
I think number 2 is important. There have been people I’ve seen who put their identity into one thing and they can’t see themselves outside of it. It doesn’t seem like a good way to live. You’re too constricted and can’t see outside of that one thing.
Yes, and when that one thing disappears it is devastating. I have found it is very important to not lose yourself to your work. I am an author assistant, but my identity is much greater and more complex that that one title. It can be a hard lesson and easy to fall to but hopefully this will help.
Great article, Kate. I can SO relate to this.
I’m not sure it’s really an age thing, either. I turned 50 this year, and still feel sometimes that people are looking for the loopholes. Will they believe in me, my experiences? Does what I bring to the table count as much as the next person?
Eventually, it comes down to believing in ourselves, as well as believing in others. We’re all here for a reason. That’s what I’ve learned, anyway!
And you are awesome. I’m thrilled to work with you and know you and call you my friend. xx
Thank you Rachel!
Yes, I think it is something the majority of us experience and it doesn’t go away with more experience, awards, or recognition. I believe we have to make the choice to believe in ourselves everyday even when we may not feel like we can do this, accomplish that, or make it. So I really wanted to share the things that I tell myself when I struggle with those bad days in hopes that they will help others too.
I am really blessed to have you as a friend and to be able to work with you and all the amazing things you do. Much love!
Of course you’re smart and you know your stuff and most certainly not an imposter. Next time I see you we’re going to have a heart to heart about ‘leaning in’ 🙂
Thanks Miral. Most days I believe that, but there are some times when I don’t and I think that is pretty normal. And that’s why I have this list of things, to remind myself that just because I may feel like I am not enough does not mean that it is true.
I can see myself in this and I think a lot of people do. From my experience, the people who doubt themselves the most are actually the ones who are doing the best work. It’s our mind’s way of challenging us to greater things. It helps to think of it that way! 😀
Also, humans tend to focus on the negative and forget all the wonderful things they’ve achieved. The non-narcissist among us do, anyway 😉
Yes! I think a lot of self-doubt comes in times when we test ourselves with new things. I’m not ashamed that I have moments of self-doubt because I believe that is normal and what is important is that I don’t let it stop me from moving on, doing new things, and getting better.
One thing that really does help is to focus on where we were and where we are now (in stead of comparing our skills to others). I should have added that to the list 😉
Thanks so much, Kate! I’m struggling (tears as we speak) with juggling my career and writing. And days like today it feels like there’s not enough time or energy to do it all. Thanks for the reminder that I’m ME. I’m not Miss B, Kindergarten teacher or Sarah E Boucher, author. I’m just me.
Aw Sarah! I don’t even know what to say. I believe we all struggle, that it is in our nature to feel that we are not good enough sometimes. We just have to know that it is okay to not be perfect, okay to make mistakes, and that our feelings are not always the truth and do not have to control us. You just keep being you, and that IS enough.
Many thanks Kate for a great post! I do feel periodically that I’m an imposter, no matter what I have achieved or contributed. As humans, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others more successful in their career. On the other hand those same individuals go through the same process of feeling down, or not having accomplished much in their lives. When I go into one of those moods, I have to tell myself that who I am is good enough.
I must say Kate that as my assistant for the whole year of 2014, you were awesome! That you helped me become a better writer by focusing my energies on my writing while you freed me from the marketing and promotion side of it. I couldn’t have done without you and your friendship.
Thank you Lilian. I believe it is a very human thing to feel like we are not enough from time to time. As you mentioned even the most successful people experience those same feelings from time to time. This is why I wanted to share a few things I use to help myself so that those same things may hopefully help others.
I have enjoyed working with you and am so pleased that I was able to be a positive part of your 2014. I wish you much success with all your future work.