For Valentine’s Day this year we are getting a little personal on the blog. I believe personal is good. Being open and honest to you, readers, hopefully makes you feel free and safe to share your own personal struggles and triumphs. Because together we are strong and can accomplish much.
In my first year of college I began to see one of the school’s counselors. There had been a death of someone I had known and my RA (resident assistant) suggested seeing a counselor. I jumped at the idea because talking things out with an impartial party has always been good for me. Seeing this counselor was the one thing I did for me.
My counselor helped me figure out things like what degree I should take. She was an impartial voice that I counted on for advice on many things (I’m a strong believer in getting good advice.) She also diagnosed me with mild depression. She explained it as from what she sees I was never really happy or really sad like some depression displays as. I was just always “okay”. And she was right.
I could have turned to medication as some do (and should) but in my heart that didn’t seem to be the right answer. I knew that I was going through circumstances that were bringing me down, the main factor being school. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I wasn’t struggling with my classes, I have maintained a 4.0 to this day. But formal education sucked the joy out of learning for me. Instead of learning new things that would help me as an author assistant I was stuck in college algebra relearning the same formulas I will never use again.
So I followed my heart. I moved back home and took a semester off so I could get better. I changed my degree from a Bachelors to an Associate. Both choices were hard to make. They were choices not expected of a straight A, top of her class student, but they were the right choices. I spent my semester off volunteering at the local senior center. I worked more for my author clients and resigned from the job that was causing me an unhealthy level of stress. I enjoyed time with my family that I had been away from for four years. I got better.
Last summer brought some big changes. I helped my mother move from New Hampshire to Florida in only a few months. And then I too moved; temporarily. School started again. Winter came. And suddenly I started to feel emotional. This time I went to my primary care doctor. I asked her if the emotional change could be from low iron (something I discovered I had in my time home). Although she confirmed that low iron can create emotional changes, my levels were good with my current iron dose. So the diagnosis came that this too could be depression.
And like last time, although I could try medication, my heart is telling me to ride out this storm. That things will get better. In May I’ll have my college degree and never have to attend another formal education class. In the summer I’ll finally move to my own apartment (my very first). I’ll then get to have my kitties back. I’ll be able to buy bookshelves and have all my books organized and with me. I’ll be able to display my tea collection and find a new place to volunteer. I will hang out with my best friend who will be moving with me. And who knows what else could happen? I could fall in love. Get my first speaking gig. Get to work for a new author I adore. Publish my own book that does well.
My heart tells me to weather the storm so that I can have the future I desire. And I will follow it.
Thank you, Kate, for sharing something so personal. I think you are smart for following your heart. That has always worked well for me.
The list of things you have coming up in your life all sound like good things. I applaud your dedication to the senior community. From my own involvement with seniors I know how desperately the seniors want/need attention.
Having you as my author assistant, I’ve constantly been amazed at how organized you are and how well you run your business – and at such a young age. All that and you have the patience of a saint.
The best is yet to come, and don’t worry about that falling in love thing…it happens when you least expect it 🙂
Thank YOU Kathy, for taking the time to read this and comment. It means the world to me.
I have found working with the seniors to be a great joy in my life that I miss greatly. I really hope that I will find another place to volunteer at when I make my big move. I have always found those older than me to have the best stories to tell and I’m happy to be able to learn from them.
Thank you for your kind words. I love working with you and being able to run my own business where my work is helping people each and every day. It is a blessing and one I cannot wait to devote more time too!
I believe we all go through storms in life, from raging thunderstorms to fog. I’m not ashamed to admit when I’m there because I know I have an amazing community of people here for me as I hope to be for them.
And love, well I’m happy to wait 😉
Hi Kate,
You are an amazing person and you have achieved a lot in your life already. Straight A people drive themselves hard and set themselves very high goals (I know because I am one myself).
Sometimes, it’s good to take a step back and look at your life. Analyze what makes you happy or unhappy. I’ve done that many a times myself. You have a great career ahead of you and I think part of the depression may be explained by the fact that it’s taking time to get to where you want to be. But you will get there!
AD Xx
Aw AD you are gonna make me cry!
I think we work so well together because we totally have that similar personality type ;).
I have absolute faith that this is only a season, a period of things that I can’t change (like the foots of snow we’ve been getting). But they are all things that will change in time so I just need to keep my chin up and remember what a great job I have to be working with such fabulous authors like you.
Hi Kate,
You are an amazing person and you have achieved a lot in your life already. Straight A people drive themselves hard and set themselves very high goals (I know because I am one myself).
Sometimes, it’s good to take a step back and look at your life. Analyze what makes you happy or unhappy. I’ve done that many a times myself. You have a great career ahead of you and I think part of the depression may be explained by the fact that it’s taking time to get to where you want to be. But you will get there!
AD Xx
Aw AD you are gonna make me cry!
I think we work so well together because we totally have that similar personality type ;).
I have absolute faith that this is only a season, a period of things that I can’t change (like the foots of snow we’ve been getting). But they are all things that will change in time so I just need to keep my chin up and remember what a great job I have to be working with such fabulous authors like you.
Kate, I admire your strength, & your determination to overcome whatever is making you emotional. Too many people will allow whatever obstacles they face to overcome them, & do nothing to combat their “demons”. You my friend are indeed blessed. Hang in there & stay the course that you are comfortable with, & you will find that happiness that you are waiting for.
Remember: God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle. ‘specialy when we let Him carry us, leaving only “ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND”.
Thank you Sherry. I believe we all go through ups and downs in life and just remembering that this is only a season is really helpful. Talking about it also helps and I am blessed to be able to talk about it with wonderful readers like you! Thank you.
Kate, thank you for sharing this post. I think you’re already moving through your depression, as your list of things you’re looking forward to is very well thought out and all sounds wonderful.
Since you said you do like advice, something that has helped me through rough patches is exercise (I prefer being outdoors when possible): walking, hiking, jogging. The endorphin release offsets depression and elevates my mood. Maybe it’s something that could help you on your countdown to finishing school?
Love and light to you!
Thank you Caroline! I believe we all have moments of darkness (some darker than others) and when those times come I try to remind my self of all the good and light things that have happened, are happening, and are to come.
School and work keeps me pretty pressed for time but I am hoping once things calm down a bit that I’ll get to start yoga. I think something calming like that would be a welcome part of a busy routine.